Balancing Act
By: CINDY KRISCHER GOODMAN

More and more grandparents help rear kids.

What do I have in common with movie star Jada Pinkett-Smith and U. S. Representative Ileana Ros-Lehtinen? We've all turned to our children's grandparents for help to keep our careers on track.

Jada Pinkett-Smith survived filming Matrix Reloaded in Australia just after having a baby by bringing her mother with her to watch her three young children under the age of 4.

''I couldn't have done it without my mother. I really couldn't,'' Pinkett-Smith told Ann Curry of The Today Show. ``She stayed the whole time. . .and she's still with me. I mean, she's with my kids right now. I couldn't do anything without her.''

With more mothers working, grandparents have become our safety net. From the movie star to the office worker, many of us make this work/life balance succeed by turning to our parents or in-laws to help care for our children. This trend is particularly prevalent in South Florida's Hispanic community where large extended families are common.

U.S. Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, R-Miami, who travels regularly between Pinecrest and Washington, D.C, relies heavily on her parents, who moved in across the street seven years ago. Her daughters have their own bedrooms at their grandparents' home with their own phone lines and their own computers. Abuela Amanda Ros drives carpool, takes the kids to the doctor and orthodontist, and chauffeurs them to after-school activities.

''My mom is key to our success as a family unit,'' says Ros-Lehtinen, who is married to attorney Dexter Lehtinen. ``Without my parents, I don't know where I would be. I am never worried about where my children are at end of the school day. If I'm in D.C., I know my kids are being cared for.''

Today, life expectancy is longer and there are more than 60 million grandparents in the United States. The U.S. Census Bureau predicts the number will grow to 80 million by 2010. The census data also shows that grandparents are now the leading providers of child care for preschoolers, caring for 21 percent of those who were in some kind of child-care arrangement in 1999. They even have their own nickname, ``Granny-nannies.''

In low-income communities, many grandparents are rearing grandchildren. But in middle-income families that depend on both parents' wages, grandparents who pitch in are forging close relationships with their grandchildren while easing the financial and emotional strain of the household.

''We're doing OK financially but we wouldn't be if one of us stayed at home,'' said John May, of Pompano Beach, a professional sand sculptor who travels the country. His wife, an executive with AutoNation in Fort Lauderdale, often works late hours. ''It would be expensive to have our daughters in day care,'' May says. May's mother baby-sits his girls four days a week and his in-law helps out one day a week. May says he likes that he has some control over what the children watch, eat and learn during the day.

''We had other options we looked at, but with our parents retired and living nearby, it's a no-brainer,'' he says. Retailers are on to this trend. Babies R Us president Elliott Wahle recently told me his company is coming up with marketing gimmicks to get grandparents to spend more money at his stores. Educators and religious institutions are gearing programs to grandparents, seeking their involvement in instilling values and building skills.

What this trend most accomplishes for working mothers, including myself, is to remove some of the guilt and anxiety. There's a comfort knowing your child is with a grandparent who loves her. I remember how worry-free I felt on the days my mother-in-law watched my daughter before she became old enough to start school.

Dia Webb of Hollywood said she relishes the peace of mind she feels when she leaves her 20-month-old son, Preston, with his grandmother, Pat Carter. Webb works as an art teacher at Charles Drew Elementary in Liberty City and her husband works as industrial hygienist for the public school system, ensuring buildings are mold-free.

''I'm able to relax and be more carefree at work knowing he's in good hands,'' Webb said. In some cases grandparent involvement comes at a sacrifice to their own careers or plans to travel the world or take up golf. Carter, 58, put her career as a teacher on hold to take care of Preston three days a week. She's a substitute teacher the two days he's with his other grandmother.

''I told my daughter I would do whatever I could do to help them with Preston. I still need to work but I am not as financially strapped as they are,'' Carter says. ``You need to form a bond with your grandchildren when they're young to give them extra attention their parents don't have time to give them. We have a ball.''

Debbie Glasser, director of family support services at Parenting Place at Nova Southeastern University, says there are drawbacks. She suggests airing expectations up front so grandparents feel appreciated.

''At times it can be exhilarating and at times exhausting for these grandparents,'' Glasser says. On the plus side, Glasser notes, grandparents can share family traditions and values, give the child plenty of attention, and play an active role in their grandchild's life. On the flip side, they must keep up with the physical demands of caring for an active toddler or testy preteen, sacrifice time with their peers, and they have to navigate clashes over discipline styles with the parents.

''It's impossible to address every issue in advance,'' Glasser says. ``But talk about what each party is willing and able to contribute. It can be a wonderful experience for everyone.''

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